Why should I be at fault? There are plenty of others that know the same thing. Why is this my own fault? They could have changed things right there, they could have made different decisions. They have been part of this just as much as me. This failure is not my fault for Pete's sake. I did try, when I could.
There was a problem that arose. That person lying on the street looked like a drug user and maybe got what he deserved At least that is what each soul that passed him reasoned with themselves. So many pretended to not see him at all. When he drew his last breath, lying there on that uncaring concrete, a few more folks side stepped him. Since his presence caused such a problem, authorities took care of the issue and removed the inconvenience. People moved about like this should have been fixed long ago.
I saw him before they had to take him away.
He had fashioned signs or posters that read, " Homeless, can you help Please!" He made sure that he stood at an intersection where plenty of cars passed. He would display his signs to each car that had to stop. Most would have an ability to drop an invisibility cloak over him and be able to sit at the intersection with total disregard of this living being.
He forgave them.
Some would slip down their window and stick out a feel good Five because they have turned down so many others. This would make up for all the others. "Man I'm glad I'm not them".
In between the guilt feelings and the hard core, this fellow happened upon me. His corner I had the pleasure to cross and sit at the light. He had his sign and presented it to my car. I made my judgment and choose ignoring this soul. I had my well founded reasons. The invisibility cloak worked here, for me. I had given my five to others and this one, this time, this moment I think, I JUDGE, you should get a job, you should fix yourself. I Think You are Only Bumming Money. I choose No.
The next time I have to come this way I noticed there is no bum at this same intersection. I get a bit of drop in my stomach. I wonder where he must have been since we just have had a major heat wave. As I drive through I remember the toothless woman at the same intersection that brought her empty fingers from her palm to her mouth to show that she was hungry. I gave her my guilty five dollar bill feeling so angelic.
I haven't seen her in a while.
I judged. So what. I gave. So what. Which is right?
I was a child of passion, meaning I know what caring and feeling is.
I was....
What I am now, is NOT what I was was a child.
At times I feel it is OK to ignore a begger.
At times I judge others.
At times I am ashamed at what I have become,
I think.
I did not grow up as I was taught.
I went along.
Sorry for that.
I wonder who will attend his funeral?
I am glad I gave that five bucks when I could and I will again.
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